Dream #3: Lessons with Kaya

Dream: I am at a meditation class. Kaya is teaching the class. We are outside. Kaya is facing a stone staircase. On his left there is a wall about 4-5 meters high, also made of stones (wall and staircase as you can see in the vineyards). The participants are at the top of this wall. Kaya does not see them during the entire meditation. The class consists of meditating, then Kaya says a word and names a participant. The latter must say what he visualized. At one point he says the word "phobia". Two men answer. Kaya says: " NO. I said I was pointing to someone. " Then he says my first name. I find myself next to him on his right. I tell him that I saw: " an open white umbrella rising into the blue sky ". Then I go up the stairs and while I'm going up them Kaya remarks to one of the participants (I don't know if it's a man or a woman) that when you do this kind of work, you have to have the right position: sitting or standing. Then I find myself at the top of the stairs. And there Kaya says: " there are phobias that are easier to manage than others. "

Share: In concrete terms, at that moment, I had to do a very intense push every time I was next to my partner when he was driving. I had and still have, even if things are getting better, anxiety, stress which has already gone so far as to make me paralyzed. Now it's better but there are still memories to clean.

Dream #4: My execution

Share: Kaya , I would like to share with you a dream I had when I must have been between 8 and 10 years old. I think that for me it is a founding dream of my entire journey to this day (I am 41 years old). You should know in a few words that I had an essentially homosexual sexual practice, experienced most often in the mode of sexual addiction (excitation phase, acting out, then deep destructuring and anesthesia of emotions/feelings; then life inviting me each time to climb back up the slope, then temptation again, constantly temptation that drives me crazy, acting out, etc.) In 2010 - the passage of my 40 years has something to do with it - I experienced a fairly long period of abstinence with a relapse at the beginning of December, then abstinence again until this day; I read a book on addiction that helped me identify that it is indeed an addiction. Some books on Kabbalah also help me enormously, and then of course Angelology which has helped me for more than 6 or 7 years; every night before going to sleep, I internalize the qualities of the Angel of the day, I also go through the distortions each time and try to illuminate them with the light of the Angel , to reach out to them to help them transform. My path will lead me, I hope, towards the reconstruction of my identity (I do not believe I am intrinsically homosexual), I am in the process - I think - of leaving this homosexuality, in fact, of changing planets. My life path is difficult and marked by a deep malaise and a very strong suffering linked to the FEAR that a shaky identity generates. This is my dream.

Dream: My primary school - I was my real age (8-10 years old) - executing myself to death on the alley (main access) which leads to the main school building - many students watching the execution mockingly - sadness. (CONTINUED) Two coffins on the playground - empty, quiet playground - afternoon of beautiful sunshine and blue sky - feeling of calm and peace after the tumult of the execution - one coffin for me, the other coffin , my friend Jim is inside - his head was cut off - the tray on which his head would have been placed is in the coffin - I cry for my friend looking at his coffin - I survived - resurrection after the sacrifice - I the feeling of having an identity in this post-sacrifice survival. I cry for my friend - then I hear a noise in his coffin - he lives - his head has reconnected to his body - he comes out of the coffin - I kiss my friend and let's walk together on the courtyard (we start to make a turn) each with an arm on the other's shoulder - accomplices - we are naked - great feeling of calm and peace - purity.

Share: Details that may be important: - primary school of Protestant obedience, which I loved very much, they taught the stories of the Bible (especially the Old Testament) at the beginning of each morning - I have memories of the sublime teachers, full of such beautiful and profound humanity; I unfortunately only stayed there until I was 8 years old. - Jim had great physical strength for his age, he was already very muscular, me being quite thin - very nice boy and made himself interesting about his taste for women (as happened to me at the time when we were sometimes together) - the playground is walled on 2 sides, bordered by the main building of the school and a kindergarten at the end. Many thanks Kaya for your enlightenment!!