Dream #1: Flow from my chest

Dream: I am in my house (not my concrete living house) and in a city that I feel is in another country. There is a group of women sitting with my mother. I go for a walk with my friend Laura.

Share: Laura is my friend from school. I broke up with her 25 years ago. She always made me feel inferior, putting me down and making fun of me. It was because I was different from this group of female friends, that I didn't feel attracted to the way they socialized, had relationships, drank, smoked, went to clubs.

I always felt that I didn't belong with them and that I didn't have to join them because of social pressure. One day I decided to get away from this duality and leave her and a few other women in friendship.

In the dream, we walked a short distance from the house. She looks at me and says: "How come you have discharge from your chest?" I look at my clothes and see that my sweater is wet. I am wearing a white shirt and a thin soft pink sweater. I turn around to go home and examine myself.

I get home and take off my clothes. The discharge is coming from my left breast. I hold my breast in my right hand and squeeze it gently. I see a very thick white discharge coming out of the nipple. It was about half a centimeter in diameter. And after it came out, I saw a hole in my nipple about the same diameter.

The hole was so big that I could look inside my breast. I look into the hole. I see an empty cavity and there was light inside so I could look deep inside. It was like looking into a very deep empty space.

Then I see that I am visiting a hospital building. I walk through all the floors of the building observing all the activity that goes on and all the people, the doctors, the women. I see a woman getting ready for two mammograms. She has large breasts and is standing in front of the mammogram machine. I observe everything in the hospital as I walk around and I am internalized.

I go home. I look for a family friend in the group of women present to talk to her (she is not someone I know in my real life). I see her leave and I go with her. We walk to an open space nearby. I talk to her about the flow of my last breast. I tell her I am not afraid to die if it means I can die. I tell her not to tell my mother because she would worry about me.

We walk home. She says goodbye and goes home. I go home too. I am internalized, quiet and thinking about my next course of action, my next decision. I go home and look at my mom.